I'm having trouble coping

On my own I'd be fine. No probs. Moderate stress. I'd get over it, I'd be alright.

Me plus The Baby. That's so hard. Full time job, not enough time, not enough sleep, maximum stress. So much so I'm beginning to feel permanently nauseous. Al this also means I cry at absolutely anything.

And that's with my family around. In April they're all going abroad. And M is moving away in April too.

Just me, The Baby (a more and more energetic baby), and my full time job and permanent nauseating stress. For 2 weeks.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading it.


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Location:Sofa

I need a cuddle.


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I have just...

...started reading a book that I have a strong suspicion I'm going to love so much that the frustration of not having written it myself will make me cry. Like The Time Traveler's Wife all over again.


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Location:The bed

Day 59

Today appears to be one of those, 'M irritating the crap out of me' days. Turned up this morning to drop Toby off at the yard, only to discover that he's taken the day off and is in fact still in Staffordshire with his irritating 'friends', job-seeking. Nice of him to tell me. Guess he won't be picking The Baby up from nursery then eh? True to form i only just got a text telling me that. No doubt his excuse would be that he was originally planning on getting back on time. I won't bother asking. No point.

I went to visit a friend this weekend and we had a good, if slightly subdued, time. We're both generally knackered and mildly depressed. Me due to being left holding The Baby, her due to being made redundant shortly after she was begining to think she was back on track with her life after calling off her wedding a couple of years ago and the subsequent fallout and financial loss (house etc). Only the evenings were subdued though. During the days we were taking The Baby to the zoo and the indoor soft play area and the pub for lunch. She was pretty exhausted by him too. Phew. Sometimes if I wonder if it's just me that finds it hard. M always says he's 'a doddle' to look after.
Twat.

Anyway, many topics of conversation were discussed. including how were we to find a nice fanciable man (each) who would be happy to have regular sex and maybe the odd day out or wedding +1 invite but would be ok with that being it. We think this will be more difficult than it sounds. Firstly it requires probably same amount of time effort and luck as finding a decent boyfriend and secondly, they probably wouldn't believe that was all we wanted and would back off because of it.

Another topic of conversation was that she had had a terratoma removed. A flipping grapefruit-sized terratoma! I am slightly ashamed that the first words out of my mouth were, "Ooh! Did you see it?Did they let you keep it?"
Unfortunately they didn't.
I'd have loved to have a look in that particular pickle jar!


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Location:My desk

So true!

Fantastic quote:

"A lot of men don't realise that the more beautiful a woman feels the more easygoing she is" (Steve Santagati)

You could easily substitute "beautiful" for other words such as loved, secure or adored.

Now, how do we make them geddit?
(Spunky excepted. Spunky already knows. :)


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Location:My desk

The future

So, when the time comes what is a good way of finding 'the real' right man for me do you think?

It's a difficult question and one that is beginning to bug me. So much so that I very rashly signed up to a dating website late night cos they had that profiling thingy and were doing a free weekend.
Big mistake.

I just don't have the time quite frankly. What with the toddler, the mother, the full time (unusually busy at the mo) job, the emotions all over the place and the struggles just to keep up with life every day.

Oh, and a broken washing mashine.

But, when I do have the time, what's the best way do you think?

X


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Location:Sofa no. 2

Happier today

...just thought I'd let you know that. Before I emailed you the link and you wondered if I was about to slit my wrists.

In other news. I REALLY want a new ipad.
Must. Resist.


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Location:The sofa

:(

I'm sorry Spunky. I can't be happy today and I most definitely can't be witty.

I'm sad and I'm so angry with M for how he's behaving. He's so grumpy with me All The Time. Even when he tries to say sorry he sounds exactly like a sullen teenager who doesn't mean it. This evening he was telling me why he is now jobless. And the look on his face was all tight-lipped, wide-eyed and stroppy. Almost as if he was saying, "and its all your fault so there!"

CUNT CUNT CUNT!!!

Umm. Am I allowed to swear on my own blog?!

Anyway, on the plus side, that was the trigger for me finally taking off my wedding ring. I saw that expression and thought, "Jesus, how could I ever be married to someone who acts like that?"

And now I'm back from French class and have to do some more work.

Life is a bit bollocks. :(


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Location:The car